If You Canít Read This You're Illiterate
Before I get into todayís blog, I want to apologize to all the readers out there, I know youíve all been waiting patiently for my next post, checking this page on a weekly, daily, maybe even hourly basis in anticipation of my next post. I wonít lie to you all, Iím a struggling writer/engineer now and even the best hitters in the game have slumps. But America loves a comeback story, so consider this the second coming of my blog. But before I rock this blog ďI want to dedicate it to my father, he was a roofer so Dad if youíre up thereÖĒ
They say laughter is the best medicine and I know when Iím looking for a good laugh watching Seinfeld, Cheers, The King of Queens, How I Met Your Mother or Arrested Development always hit the spot (or should I say funny bone). Butt of all jokes (see what I did there!?) One liners are my favorite, Rodney Dangerfield, Stewart Francis and Jay London are by far my favorites. Here are some samples:
- I met this girl, she told me to come over thereís nobody home, I went over and there was nobody home.
- I bought a book about hair loss, but the pages kept falling out.
- I quit my job at the helium factory, I refuse to be spoken to in that tone.
- I went out with a girl who does the weather, we talked up a storm.
- If I agreed with you weíd both be wrong.
- My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-* bird noise.
- Did you know it was a year ago today?
- Iím not an actor, but I play one on TV.
- The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
- I used to be indecisive. Now Iím not sure.
- I told my old man I wanted to go to the Zoo, he said if they want you theyíll come and get you.
- He died two years later. He was crushed by a piano. His funeral was very low key. B flat, but I canít leave you on that note.
- People laughed when I said Iíd become a comedian. Well, theyíre not laughing now!
Hopefully a few of those made you laugh. Thatís it for this week, but donít fret, I'll be back next week with yet another blog.
You don't need a parachute to sky dive once, but you do need a parachute to sky dive twice