Happiness: We All Deserve It

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For the past few months, I've been writing stuff on the side about my thoughts of life, its ups and downs, and things I've observed and felt.  As I was looking through the files of my computer, I found this file that was labeled "Happiness."  I read it to myself and figured that I should share it with all of you. 

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Title:  Happiness: We All Deserve It

It's 12:32 am.  It's the time when you sense the smell of a brand new day starting yet the youth of the night is covering the night sky with its warmth.  And I'm saying all of this in my cold air conditioned living room under the gray roof of my blue house.  I'm sitting here thinking about a certain someone who had her heart broken to a billion pieces.  All the text messages I've gotten from her reminded me of the first week of May when my own heart was broken into a billion pieces.  It brought back horrible feelings and memories of the worst breakup in my life.  The pain... the tears... the wounds... the feeling that life will never ever be fixed again.  It's the feeling of emptiness... nothing... loneliness... isolation... at the same time with immense sadness filling the body, that brings the soul down to the ground after 4 years of soaring above everything else in this world.  It's like a paper plane being thrown up into the air, twirling around, looking for its landing, then abruptly crashing head first to the ground.  I wish I had the ability to explain the feeling I had during the breakup but I can't find the right words.  Disastrous?  Catastrophic?  Life ending?  You can add any word you want...

It's hard to see people including her suffering like that.  It just brings the chills to me, reminding me of my 4 years of fabricated heavenly feelings for some stupid girl who broke my heart.  Why do we have such things as breakups?  Why do we have such thing as sadness, pain, hate, cheating, and stupid crap like that?  Unfortunately it's all part of the plan of life.

As I looked at the broken girl that I dearly care about, I just wanted to ask and make sure everything was alright... and that was stupid of me to ask something like that.  It's obvious that no one will be okay after being contacted by the moronic ex and bringing up certain things and hammering down on a cracked heart waiting to be broken again and again.  I just didn't know what to say to her.  I wanted to say, "Hey you know what, let's just leave and start life together and I promise I won't do the same stuff your ex did to you."  But then again, I'm cocooning myself in overly positive and irrational thinking and most likely is not the right way to approach life sometimes...

We all deserve a chance at happiness.  Happiness is what we all have the ability to have.  Who gives a damn about money, fame, riches, or whatever.  Those are just extras in a successful life, but will those things bring you happiness?  Everyone including the girl I'm liking (maybe a weak word?)  deserves to be happy.  Heck I can't emphasis it enough.  I've always said this to people that I would rather have a person happy than anything else in this world, even if it meant that a current relationship I could have, has to break up.  This is where some people think I'm crazy. "Well you're going to miserable!  Why would you set yourself up like that?  Do you know that the girl will find another guy?  Does that affect you at all??"  Yes I would be miserable, helpless, and lonely, but deep down I would rather see the other half happy.  It's a major sacrifice.  I guess its all because of one simple thing:   I care.  If it ever comes down to anything in my life where that situation has to happen, I would still pull it off.  If I cared for a girl that much that I would rather see her happy, then I would still pull it off.  Crazy... yes.  Emotionally torn?  Probably.  Heck, I just care too much.  I'm just too nice.  I'm just too much of something.  Respect?  Kindness?  Sweetheart-ness?  No idea. 

That's why I'm taking stuff really easy.  I'm here to let her find her own happiness with me or with someone else.  I don't know how she's going to carve her path towards happiness, but she WILL find it soon.  Someone like her, she will.  Her walls will finally fall down and her pain will subside.  I'm here to find my own happiness too, but I'm usually the one that stops and listens.  Stops and pray.  Stops and looks around.  When I see the opportunity I grasp it, hold it tight, and move on with it.  Maybe that's why I'm with her.  No idea, possibly.  Sometimes I can't explain why stuff happens.  Ask my noggin. But like I said, I don't know how to express myself fully... maybe I do know the reason.

So here's my advice to you.  Stop and think.  Are you happy right now?  What's more important to you?  Stop and look around.  Are you happy with that?  Look at your heart and think this:  You deserve all the happiness in the world.  You don't earn it, you already have it planted in yourself.  Smile.  Laugh.  Go out.  Enjoy the weather.  Find your happiness and grasp it.  Never let go of it.  Maybe you have your happiness right on front of you, right behind you, left, right, up, or down. 

Wait, look, listen.  Happiness is right there.  It's around the corner.  Hold it's hand and never let go.

With love and care,
Sir Christian


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That is what I wrote a couple weeks ago.  I'm still trying to grasp happiness by the hand and hold on to it tight.  Sometimes you walk away from happiness, yet it always pokes your back. 

I do want to hear what you think about my letter about happiness.  I would really appreciate it.

Thank you,
Christian

1 Comments

Anonymous said:

Love is something that we have to deserve, we have to do love before we get it. Love is a condition.

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This page contains a single entry by Tiongson, Christian J published on September 18, 2008 2:26 PM.

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